Crown Prince of Laughter

In a world that's all too devoid of humor, even during my bleakest hour of misery there are always two words that can bring a smile to my cobra bitten lips - "Saudi Arabia".

For a good part of my life I thought that Saudi Arabia was a fictitious entity that had been dreamed up and presented to the world as real, in the same way that Santa Claus and John Edwards' chances of becoming President have been. But since the best and brightest writers in the TV industry are currently on strike - and the plot-lines from Saudi Arabia keep getting better and better - I now know this isn't the case.

A couple of weeks ago King Abdullah graced the masses of my home country with an official state visit to the UK. During his stay, the enlightened man-of-the-people told the BBC that Britain wasn't doing enough to combat terrorism.

Now on the one hand I agree with him. Almost all the 9/11 hijackers were from Saudi Arabia and the Saudi government is one of the biggest funders of radical Islamic schools in the world, so the easy answer for the UK would be to sever all ties with the King and his Cuckoo Kingdom. But somehow I don't think that idea was top of his "Terror Action Points" list.

Having Saudi Arabia lecture the UK on preventing terrorism is like asking David Hasselhoff to host a seminar entitled "Just Say No To Booze and a Music Career in Germany." Abdullah's country is the Willy Wonka Chocolate Factory of extremism, where the oompa loompas are more likely to blow themselves up rather than sing a song about the perils of "gobbling down sweets".

Sadly, the story doesn't end there. Today it was announced that a 19-year-old woman who was gang-raped 14 times has been sentenced to 6 months in prison and 200 lashes. Ignoring the fact that this woman had been violated in the most brutal way imaginable, the Saudi judicial system punished her for being in "an unrelated man's car during the time of the attack" and also "attempting to use the media to influence the judges".

There's nothing quite like being lashed 200 times by a large bullwhip in a public square to help a woman overcome getting gang-raped. That'll teach her.

Saudi Arabia is one of the largest oil producers in the world. They're holding the strings to the world economy and one tug in the wrong direction could send the entire global system into meltdown. Think about it carefully. Most powerful oil producing country in the world.....200 lashes for a woman who was gang-raped.

The way I see it is this. I wouldn't give my entire life savings to Charles Manson to manage, so I'm not particularly comfortable with letting the Saudis run the oil show.

This illustrates two clear points. Number one, America needs to take some of the hundreds of billions of dollars its spending on defense each year and give it to private entrepreneurs and scientists to find a viable alternative energy source.

Number two, America needs to stop meddling in other nation's affairs. They don't want us to be there, and it's costing us way too much money, goodwill and human life. Intervention in foreign affairs should be limited to self-defense only.

Because if our "friends" look like Saudi Arabia, I hate to think what a real enemy is.