Return Of The Twat

I'm back.

I know the shockwaves generated by this statement will be felt for at least the next two milliseconds, so I'll handle such an announcement with the lack of respect it deserves.

"So what happened to the lovable rogue?," I hear nobody ask. "Well," our streaky hero replies - "I couldn't blog anymore because I was too busy publishing my first book and then bundled off on a promotional tour to the Polynesian Islands."

Well, that's kind of how it went.

But let's not allow the fabrications of the past to get in the way. I may have done absolutely jack shit in 12 months, but the world hasn't stood still.

Apparently there's an election about to swing into gear which seems kind of important, the whole world is morphing into Boss Hogg (even in Africa - I'd love to get to the bottom of THAT one) , the climate's going ballistic and most of the West Coast is burning out of control.

I also hear General Mills is planning to launch Sweet and Sour Cheerios - one half coated in tangy tangerine, and the other in white chocolate. Or maybe I just dreamt that.

Either way, with keyboard in one hand and a box of Kleenex in the other I'm armed with all the tools needed for a fruitful online experience. Let the games begin.